My spiritual coming out

My spiritual coming out

How it all started

Last weekend, I had just created The Path Provides' Instagram account, when I realized with horror that one of my coworkers had started following me … At the sight of that notification, shivers rushed down my spine. I could hear my heart throbbing nervously. I panicked. 

Why ? Well, I must admit that although I have been on a Spirit driven path for a long time now, that I share my insights with you guys and even have clients, I still am hiding in the spiritual closet.

Why am I still in the spiritual closet ?

To understand why I am still in the spiritual closet, it's important to know that as a kid I was highly intuitive. I had the ability to communicate with beings and often received information through my dreams. I had intuitive knowledge of events before they occurred and knew things about other people without anyone telling me. Of course, whenever I would talk about this to my parents, friends or family, I would only be met with fear, incomprehension, disbelief, and mostly mockery. Kids and their crazy imagination, Right ? And so, as any other kid would have done, I understood very quickly that these ‘gifts’ I had were not OK and should not be talked about. I started believing that it was all just my imagination and so sadly I turned my back on this side of myself. It took me many years to understand this correlation, but I can clearly see now that was the time when I started having nightmares, night terrors and migraines. Surprising ?

So, I've spent most of my life in denial of my true Self.

I would still be in that state of mind today had I not have all those nightmares and migraines that started to get out of control in my 20’s. As a result of my search for an alternative to all the pills I was taking, I got into meditation which brought me slowly to re-discover my long-lost spirituality and all the gifts that came with it. What an amazing feeling it is to rediscover your relationship with your intuition, the Universe and mostly yourself.

Which brings me to today

You see, although I have reconnected with my Self, I remain terrified of talking freely about it to people around me. After all, I’m still that little girl terrified of being mocked and laughed at. I strongly apprehend people questioning my abilities and beliefs or constantly having to defend what I know to be my truth.

To be honest, I am shit scared of what others might think (Urgh!)

And the Law of Attraction being what it is, with that kind of mindset, I rarely attract into my life people who are on a Spirit driven path. Quite the contrary, I am somehow magically always surrounded by people thinking that what I am, do and believe is some kind of woo-woo bullshit.

 ...But hey, it’s not.

So when I saw that my coworker had found The Path Provides on Instagram, and that all of a sudden he had access to my website and to this side of me that I had spent so much time hiding from the world, I completely freaked out. I got into this place of angst where I wasn’t thinking straight anymore. I blocked him and then I changed my Instagram account's name and made it private so nobody else could see it. Then I went out and shut down my blog. The thought of him reading and then mocking the articles that I wrote with such raw honesty and love made me sick to my stomach.

This went on for hours (good thing this happened on the weekend) until I heard this little voice tell me ‘isn’t it time you stepped out of the spiritual closet ?’

Isn’t it time I stepped out of the spiritual closet ?

What a ridiculous idea, I thought. There is no way on earth that I would ever come out of there. It might be dark but it sure as hell is comfy and safe.

But that voice just kept repeating over and over again ‘isn’t it time you stepped out of the spiritual closet ?’. After a while I let myself imagine what it would be like to let my true light shine. What would happen ? I mean really, what would happen ? Maybe people would find me strange and maybe I would lose some friends … and ? Isn’t my true Self more important that what others might think ? To be honest, I am starting to understand that it is.

It's time to be bold and let my light shine

And so here I am, a few days later, starting to wrap my mind around this new thought that maybe it is time for me to get out there. To stop hiding and lying about my true Self. Maybe it is time to be bold and let my light shine. Isn’t it our mission as light workers to spread the light ? So how can I be of service if I keep hiding in the shadows out of fear ?

Now, I’m not saying that I will start tomorrow talking about chakras, crystals and past lives at work, nor that I have unblocked my coworker on Instagram. But I did promise myself that I would start tiptoeing out of my closet. Slowly but surely. I’m thinking that my first step will be to not lie anymore about my inner truth.

I promised myself that I would move from a place of constant fear of judgment to a place where I truly belong which is in the light. And I will do it at my pace. I believe that the important thing here is that I decided to take that scary first step. My whole mindset has completely shifted in the last three days and I am kind of proud of myself for that. I actually bought myself vegan ice cream (which is super hard to find here in Peru) to celebrate this important milestone of my spiritual path. Woupiiie !

How about you ?

How about you, beautiful souls reading this ? Are you still in the spiritual closet ? Have you made your coming out ? Please feel free to share your story, I am sure there are many souls who will benefit from your experience. And who knows, maybe you will inspire somebody to be bold and take that first step into the light.

Lots of love and courage beautiful souls,

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